(The Rest is) History

This wasn't a war. Not officially. Not even among the two native races. Tigeries and Seatrolls had fought since they evolved to intelligence, probably. But that was like men and wolves in ancient days, nothing systematic, plan natural enemies. Until the Merseians began giving the Seatrolls equipment and advice and the landfolk were driven back. When Terra heard about that, it was sheer reflex to do likewise for the Tigeries, preserve the balance lest Starkad be unified as a Merseian puppet. As a result, the Merseians upped their help a bit, and Terrans replied in kind, and--and the two empires remained at peace.

Poul Anderson, "Ensign Flandry"

SINCE IT'S CHRISTMAS, after all, I'm rereading a novel by a fellow named Poul Anderson called "Ensign Flandry." It's a rip-roaring tale of interstellar espionage, big-breasted tiger aliens, and empire--but, like so many other sci-fi rags written in 1966, it's awfully dated by its failure to imagine any future not characterized by perpetual bipolar war. (For a slightly subtler example of Cold War sf, check out "The Forever War" or anything by that other dude I like.)

The story's intrigue unfolds on Starkad, a primitive backwater planet in Betelgeuse sector which nobody wants, and the satellite war that the two great powers, Terra and Merseia, foment between the natives there. (The Terrans support the tiger people; the Merseians, the fish people. My browser's spell-check extension seems to already recognize the word "Merseian". That's weird.) Naturally neither the Terrans nor the Merseians really want war on Starkad, but neither one dares concede any ground for fear of losing the confidence, therefore support, of Betelgeuse itself. In the end it turns out the evil Merseian empire was actually trying to trick the Terrans into concentrating as much of their fleet around Starkad as possible, having discovered the planet lay in the path of a huge asteroid, but the eponymous ensign figures it all out in the nick of time and they all go home. Nice.

Anderson was born in 1926, which means he passed his formative years not in the Cold War but in the Hot one: a patently multipolar universe of the sort that strikes me as just more likely in a huge galaxy teeming with intelligent spacefaring life. So his motivation for bipolarity for this novel is probably allegorical or aesthetic and not necessarily the product of his upbringing or context. He could have imagined, grew up imagining, a different kind of world and war but chose not to. Fine.

But it's been making me think. Joe Haldeman, the author of "The Forever War," was born in 1943, and he was drafted as an engineer to Vietnam in '67. Admittedly, his novel, written in '76, is much less about bipolarity and much more about the psychological effects of war at relativistic speeds. But it could have been just like "Flandry," and since I always remember it that way, bear with me...

For obvious reasons, it's hard to recognize our own blind spots--hard as individuals, harder still as generations, nigh impossible as a civilization. What makes sense to me can be incomprehensible to you (or, more often, vice versa; don't fret); the way we see the world might be incommunicably different from the way a Renaissance man did or an Indian man does; and complete modes of social organization wholly unlike ours are simply unimaginable. And so if Poul Anderson's novels bear the mark of the Cold War, perhaps it's because he wrote in a context that made it hard to imagine any other kind of politics. It makes me wonder--what kinds of blind spots are we constrained by? What are our failures of imagination? In 42 years, which assumptions will make our science fiction look silly?

Echoes from the Bayou

Cities - by definition - are all meant to be pretty much the same. A business core surrounded by pockets of wealth and poverty, in many directions. Usually, a city is either continually building up, like Montreal or New York, or continually building out, like Toronto or Los Angeles. New Orleans, which is where we, loyal readers, find bernice right now, is decidedly doing neither. Yet, it has become a beautiful, clean, inviting, rowdy, and exciting place. many streets there are people who stand full time with a broom and dustpan and sweep up litter as soon as they see it fall, in an apparent effort to keep the city clean. After the hurricane that destroyed sections of the city, focus has clearly shifted to rebuilding things that have been lost, which is a really interesting thing to see in a city which doesnt look like it has torn down or rebuilt a building since about 1910. On In fact, the hotel I'm staying in happens to be inside an old asbestos factory, although it is extremely welcoming and well-designed.



This is weirdly representative of almost everything here - both sinister and welcoming. To wit: Almost every corner has a street musician. This musician always looks like he just stepped out from under a train, and he is always supremely talented. On the way from the airport, there were billboards all over the highway advertising casinos and stripclubs. All of these ads have large boxes on them that say "If you or a friend has a gambling/drinking problem, help is available!". Also, if you look lost or confused, a giant black dude with grillz might come up to you, ask if you need any help, point you to the street or the trolley or the basketball arena that you're looking for, shake your hand, and thank you for coming to the city. I guess that's Voodoo.






Everyone is extremely glad that tourists are here. seriously, they are. The main reason i'm here is because my mother found out about something called Prospect 1, which has apparently become the largest city-wide art display in the world now, or something like that. Most of it is inspired by the hurricane, and most of it is absolutely incredible. Many exhibits are in the 9th ward, which is a neighborhood that was almost completely destroyed. Since, the area has become a cesspool of filth and crime, and one of the worst in the country. However, walking around it feels completely safe. All of the residents are extremely glad to see you, and would like to introduce themselves and talk to you for a while. A man named collins took me into his studio he just finished rebuilding and showed me some of the stained glass he was working on, and we watched his children paint. All I was staring at the mural on the wall of his house when he happened to walk outside. He was very nice. The most interesting thing is, it doesn't even look like a bad neighborhood. During the day, it looks more like farmland. It's harder to feel the danger, since things like run down houses and buildings arent derelict, there just gone.


In a half-standing house in the area, there has been set up the Lower 9th Center for the Arts, a small art gallery. Inside, the exhibit featured some of the best photography I'd ever seen. It took a few minutes of taking the entire thing in before I realised that the toothless fat man in a sleeveless t-shirt on the porch shouting obscenites in both french and english was the artist. Seriously though, each picture was better than the last. The whole experience is hard to describe over the internet, but if anyone wants to talk about it, please let me know. There's also a shit-ton more art I've seen, that is definately worth discussion.



Other things of interest:

I've now seen 4 works by Banksy. The first time, I got really excited and told everyone near me. They all seemed impressed. It was of a kid on a tire swing, and it was on the side of a partially destroyed house. Since then, I've seen one of a main losing his umbrella painted on the side of the leevee that broke, the pope on a warehouse on the other side of the city, and of a girl stuck in the rain in the french quarter. They've all been protected with a plastic sheet fastened to the wall on top of the work.



I went to a hornets basketball game. The slogan is "Geaux Hornets", and the cheerleaders are all senior citizens called the "Used to Bees". There was also a prayer before the game and a moment of silence led by a good-ol-boy white pastor with a crewcut at centre court. Louisiana can be a strange place.

The sign at the airport as soon as i got off the plane said "We're JAZZED to see you". I thought it was funny.

I went to a concert by a dude named Trombone Shorty. He was 22 (it was his birthday), looked alot like T.I., and was incredible. Also, the guitar player in his band was wicked, clearly jewish, and reminded me alot of another pudgy-cheeked jewish lead guitarist who plays a wood-couloured strat that my band used to open for. Rabbi, i'm talking to you, I hope you catch the reference.


People here have wicked names. we saw a sherrif the other morning whose nametag said "T.J. Montreaux. He was black, but had blue eyes. Cajun!


The food is great. there is gumbo, and lots of seafood, and here, they call a sub a po-boy! And they put fried shrimp in them! Weeeird!

Anyway, I should be heading off. the Dr. John concert isn't going to attend itself! ho ho, ha ha.
Also, I might be seeing Thug Wrangler in the next couple of days, since he's also hitting the Crescent City. I'm waiting to hear from him, I'll let y'all know (That's how they talk here!)

Bernice Out, from The Big (Un)Easy.


Just Kidding, this place rules.

Mommy, What's an Economy?

Because sometimes it all seems a little too complicated.

Happy holidays, my friends.

Random Thoughts

Stanford professor Thomas Sowell, a well known conservative economist and social critic, begins his daily column with the aforementioned title. What usually follows are several terse, aggravatingly ignorant, and often racially charged remarks mainly about politics and the economy. As a black man, he loves turning conventional assumptions about the state of African Americans on their side, often blaming democrats and welfare programs for ‘keeping black people down.’ White conservatives love this guy. He makes them feel less responsible for societal problems, he says everything that they want to say but don't out of fear of sounding racist, and ironically for many, he’s the only black person that they can relate to or respect.
Anyways, the only reason I say this is because I liked his idea of random thoughts and I felt prompted more than ever to write something today.

I was walking with my sister and brother today through the two weirdest isles of the Frys Electronic establishment. Most of Frys looks like your regular large electronics establishment (Best Buy or Futureshop). These two isles however, seem to be filled with shit I would only find in those creepy yet awesome catalogues that my roommates and i look through when we dream about the possibilities of having a pinball machine, an electronic roommate, or in one most serious case, a hot dog toaster for our dear friend Gregorio. Today, sitting on display in full glory, was the exact same toaster! Apparently, this is quite a coveted product, cause all that was left was the one on display. I was thrilled anyways, even when the guy told me he didn’t have the box or the manual, and that he wouldn’t give me any discount. I handed the man 21 dollars and walked out with my new pride and joy.
However, today I learned that things sold in weird catalogues and castaway isles in second rate electronics shops should never be trusted, as their poor construction becomes obscured by even the savviest consumer (ok maybe not the savviest but definitely the most well-intentioned), sold on the possibility of having found the greatest invention known to man, the answer to all of his personal riddles. Such wonder and excitement inevitably makes the fall so very hard. Upon attempting a preliminary toast on a small piece of bread, the machine began smoking as soon as I plugged it in. Broken after one try. Yeats was right when he said the innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time.

That’s all I got right now, but you can expect shorter and more random thoughts to continue.

Why Can't We Be Friends

I was studying for my politics final today (ok, so I wrote this a while ago and forgot about it completly and am only now posting it) and reading about ethnic conflict. Its incredibly sad and very complicated. I am taking obviously only one very simple point from everything I read to say this: discrimination is bad. Why do you have to hate people who are different from you. I mean, I was flipping channels the other night and I came across the movie Splash just when Eugene Levy was chasing Daryl Hannah with a bucket of water so he could pour it on her and prove she was a mermaid. Eventually he is succesful outside a big event where there are cameras and press. He sprays her with water and her fins are reveiled. Tom Hanks freaks out and doesnt save her from the security guards who take her away to be tested on. This is just not right. Daryl hannah wasn't hurting anyone (and in fact, this movie was made before she got scary looking from too much plastic surgery-cuz now shes kiiinda hurting my eyes) she was just trying to live her life with Tom Hanks. My point? Leave different creatures alone, most are friendly. ET almost died when the government was doing testing on him (not to mention elliot too). He, like daryl hannah, didn't hurt anyone. It was just wrong. Admittedly not every creature is good. Take the aliens from independence day for example. Those were some bad motherfuckers and it was probably for the best that Will Smith and Hank Azaria look alike killed them. But for the most part, leave other creatures alone. Mermaids never hurt anyone, they just walk around kinda naked making long alanis morsette hair (that would be hair long enough to cover your naked boobs) cool. So to sum up, leave other creatures and beings alone, unless of course, the are "Independence Day" aliens. Then beat them to a bloody paulp and don't ask questions.

To Whom it May Concern

The Mercantile in Toronto is a proud purveyor of Baconnaise.

icgyabl--keeps you informed

Brain Fuel

So, I'm sitting in an airplane, 30,000 ft in the air - halfway to New York. It's kinda bumpy. And I'm kinda sleepy.

I started reading Dr. Schwarcz's new book "Brain Fuel" and was initially a little bored because it just kept talking about old stuff. Then I turned to the back and started making my way to the beginning, and that's when things got interesting.(For those of you who don't know Dr. Schwarcz is the head of the Office of Science and Society at Mcgill, teaches a bunch of World of Chemistry classes, and has a weekly column in the Montreal Gazette, as well as a radio show in Montreal and Toronto. He's kinda awesome.)
In any case I learned the following things:

1. In the 1940's cellophane was named the third most beautiful word in the english language - after memory and mother.
2. Houdini thought that he could escape death - and left his wife a secret code before he died, and told her that he would try to get it to her after he died. He failed. She gave up after ten years.
3. There is a chewing gum called "bust up" that can apparently increase your bust size if you chew it, because it contains chemicals that can up the estrogen level in your body.
4. There is a US patent for a toy rocket that can be fueled by farts. There is no evidence as to whether this would work or not, but the only requirement for having a patent is that the idea is novel. In reality farts don't have enough combustible gases to fuel a rocket. Also, Dr. Schwarcz calls it an "anal rocket". I think that's hilarious.
5. The US military uses silly string to detect trip wires for explosives in Iraq. Since the silly strings is very light, it can show trip wires without setting them off. That's pretty ingenious.
6. Glass does not constantly flow. At least not unless you're at a minimum heat of 350 degrees celsius. The common misconception is due to the fact that old window panes are thicker at the bottom and have ripples. The reason for this is when flattening glass while blowing it, the glass would get a rippled effect, and the outside would be thicker. It made more sense structurally to put the thick part at the bottom.

EDIT: ZOMG! THE BLOGGER BAR IN DUBAI IS IN ARABIC! WHAAT?!

I wanna go back to my little grey shack...

I was sitting in Schulich today, thinking about my two exams coming up on Monday, and I realized that I didn't care. I don't care about the exams, all I wanted to do was go home and pack so I could make the fact that this semester is almost over real. And so I half-assedly shoved all my stuff into a suitcase, and now it's a quarter to five, I still have two exams on Monday, I'm still not completely packed, and I don't know how I'm going to wake up tomorrow to prepare for the bloodbath.

It'll be weird to go back. I can't believe that I haven't seen my family in four months. It wasn't this strange last year, there's something different this time. The idea of going back to my family seems a little foreign, and it blows my mind. I don't even really remember what it's like. I'm excited, yes, but I don't know for what. It's like when I first came to college and didn't know what to expect but I wanted it to happen. I'll be back there in less than 3 days, but it seems so far away that everything that makes me happy about going back seems unreal. It seems like a bleak childhood memory that I will never be able to get back. But I will arrive, and I will eat biryani, and I will watch tv with my mom, and I will go see my brothers in school, and I will walk to the coffee shop with my friends, and I will get drunk at the beachside bar, and it will be real once again.

"The Demise of Dating"?

What do you guys think of this?

A Black Uniform and a Silver Badge

You know what? Some of the people on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list aren't THAT awful.

A little Wikipediaing around led me to this article: FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives.

Some of the things I read surprised me. Did you know that:

• The idea of the list came about over a game of Hearts?
  
• Of the 491 fugitives who have been listed, five have been removed after being deemed to be no longer dangerous?
• Of the 460 who have been captured or located, 151 (31%) of them were found because of public assistance?

What really surprised me, though, was just who's on the list. Of course, there are the obvious choices - Osama Bin Laden tops the list, with a $52 million reward for information leading to his capture. There's the guy who killed 18 people and led a pretty nasty gang, and there's the guy who stole $7,000,000.

The one that jumps out at me is Jason Derek Brown (pictured). He's wanted for - get this - killing a security guard and biking (that's on a mountain bike, not a motorbike) away with $56,000. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not condoning what he did. Murder is obviously a serious offense, and $56,000 is a pretty hefty amount of dolla billz. Really though, does it warrant a spot on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list? Surely there must be someone else out there who's committed a harsher crime. Do his crimes scream "repeat offender, danger to America"? He doesn't look like a top ten worthy kind of guy, does he? Even with a little help from photoshop, he still doesn't look that mean. He's suspected to be hiding out in Western Canada - a hotbed of crime, as we all know.

If he's the worst there is, maybe that says something about people, or maybe it says something about law enforcement. Maybe people aren't as bad as I thought. Maybe U.S. law enforcement is just damn good at catching people. It's either reassuring or deeply unsettling that the FBI don't think there are any fugitives who are more dangerous.

All I know is that no top ten most wanted list of mine is complete without the guy who put the bomp in the bomp-bah-bomp-bah-bomp. Who was that man?

Another Toronto / Things that show up on your newsfeed when you're a promoter

Y*** 434 Dundas Got BUSTED!!! I Got New DRUG CHARGES!!! WORLD IZ FUKKED!!! 08:45

- 18 comments

K*********at 08:52, on 12 December

Drug charges???

Y******* at 08:54, on 12 December

World is Fukked!!! Since when are drugz illegal??????????

K********** at 08:55, on 12 December

LOL depends on the drugs I guess...

O********* at 09:04, on 12 December

Need a Lawyer?

A********* at 09:06, on 12 December

hey need a lawyer, i got an amazing lawyer

Y******* at 09:15, on 12 December

60 people and myself need a lawyer rite the fuck now!!! LOL

O********* at 09:17, on 12 December

DUDE I CAN HELP

LET ME KNOW THE DETAILS

Y******* at 09:26, on 12 December

Details is I am moving back 2 Russia after my charges are done!!!
Gunna get married... Have 2 Kids...
And 4get this life ever happened!!

K********** at 10:10, on 12 December

Oh my god this is serious... I thought you were kidding..

Y******* at 10:21, on 12 December

I don't joke about Drugs!!!

K********** at 10:22, on 12 December

good point. WTF happened - I can't believe it.

Y******* at 10:29, on 12 December

People were having a good time at the afterhours around 4 am as usual.
Cops rush in, throw everyone on the ground and search dem.
Whoever had weapons or drugs got booked... myself included, obviously.
Thank G-d I got released on my own recognance for not having enuff drugs! LOL

********* at 10:48, on 12 December

hon, do you really think that is something you should post on FB?

********* at 10:51, on 12 December

COT DAMN!!!... PHUKKING!!!... BLOOD CLAAT!!!... RASS BWOY DEM!!!

Y******* at 12:31, on 12 December

I am posting it on FB so people know NOT 2 Go there again!!!

********* at 12:32, on 12 December

ya o.k... the busting part is fine, but I mean.. you really want to air ur business?

Y*******at 12:34, on 12 December

I don't give a fuck rite now, hun!!!
No offence, I know u mean well.
I'm just not a happy gangsta at this moment in time!!!

H********* at 12:40, on 12 December

Damn Yayo, dat shit iz fukked up!

Bad Decisions?

2 AM.
Drunk.
Exam in less than 12 hours.

IT IS ON MOTHERFUCKER
IT IS SO ON

I REGRET NOTHING


All right, not really drunk. And I can definitely sleep 9 hours. And it's not like I was going to study anyway. And it was a dear friend's birthday. And I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD

CONCLUSION:
GOOD DECISION

I really like Roman Numerals...I fear that one day people will stop using them.

I may find my soulmate.

The Big Aristotle

It seems that bernice idol and all-around legend Shaquille O'neal is at it again.

 Lo and Behold, the man has a twitter. it seems that microblogging is this new thang, where someone can text random thoughts to a website and have someone read them. cool.

Shaq's "Tweets" are pretty, uh, interesting, it seems he has taken a pattern of saying things and then crediting himself with quotes, or quoting other people, although spelling mistakes about:

Some unfiltered highlights:

There's self-reflection,

Id like people to think of me as someone who cares about them Princess diana

Wisdom:

Every succesful person owes somebody a thank you, just make sure u thank them Shaquille oneal

Go were yo dreams take u, live the live u have imagined Shaquille oneal

Love:

All my life, i pray for someone like you, and i thank god that i finally found you Kci and jojo

Laments:

Whatthe hell iswrong wit da suns

Current Events:

Does anyone have the names of the 14 people bush gave pardons

Self Definition:

My genius is 1 percent inspiration 99 percent perspiration Shaquille o'neal

Run-ins with celebrity athletes:I JUST MET KIMBO SLICE, DATS A MEAN DUDE

AND NO I WOULD NOT FIGHT HIM, I'M A LOVA NOT A FIGHTA

Movie Reviews:

Just saw punisher, great bloody movie, aggggggh, dats what i , nevamind lol, aggggggh (growl) (snarl) spit

Childhood Memories:

How come i have the mr rogers neighborhhood theme song stuk n my head, iz he still alive

And finally, Confusion:

Why do they call minneapolis, the twin cities, nobody here looks a like, waaa waaa waaaaaa

God hates... Uxbridge‽

The one and only Westboro Baptist Church is coming to my hometown.


They're the infamous "God Hates Fags" cult. They attend military funerals in protest, suggesting that the soldiers' deaths are God's way of punishing "gay America", sharing slogans such as "God Killed Your Sons" and "Pray For More Dead Soldiers". They claim that any terrorist act is an act of God, an act of His punishment. They danced at a funeral for victims of a mine collapse, happy that God was enacting "revenge against America for its tolerance of homosexuality".

They plan to be in Uxbridge on Friday, December 12th, protesting Uxbridge Secondary School's production of the play "The Laramie Project", a play about the murder of an openly gay University student. According to the WBC, The Laramie Project "is a tawdry bit of banal fag melodrama" who's "only purpose is to promote sinful, soul-damning sodomy by playing on the sick, maudlin emotions of doomed, godless America and thereby to recruit ill-bred teenagers to lives of sin, shame, disease, death and hell".

Realistically, I don't expect this cult to either make it across the border or to really care enough to come all the way to Uxbridge, but they certainly intend on it. They call on "Canadian canabilistic [sic] parents" to find God and denounce the play, but preach that Canada is "DOOMED".

First there are skinheads in New Brunswick, and now there are WBC protests in Uxbridge?

Oh, woe is Canada.

The Westboro Church would also point out that God also hates Islam, Judaism, and Sweden.

If this doesn't have you all riled up, watch the video on the Sweden site. A choir sings a song called "God Hates the World", and the video finishes off with a little girl - who would be cute under all other circumstances - solo singing the chorus.

*sigh*

Its funny how KNOWING you're going to fail something is less stressful and more comforting than worrying you're going to fail something

"The Buses"

More for the image than the idea...

"Philosophy should stop
at midnight like the buses.
Imagine Nietzsche, Jesus
and Bertrand Russel parked
In the silent car barns."

-Richard Brautigan

The Priority List

Given that I just had my exam in communications I would like to bring something to everyones attention I found kinda odd (or just plain funny) when I was studying.
Digital Rights Management (DRM) which if you didn't know, its a way of encrypting things (cds, files, really anything ...digital). There isn't just one way its done. For instance, they have DRM technologies on some dvd players so you cannot play a recorded dvd, or hook one dvd player up to anyother and copy on dvd to the other. When you buy a song on iTunes and they only let you put it on five computers and make you put in a password...that is a result of a DRM. This was brought up in my communications class because DRM is used in media more than anything else. They advance the technology for the entertainment world more than anything else. They are used more in the music industry than the military. It just seems like something the military should probably taking advantage of. I mean, not OUR military. Our military is like 12 guys and an Uzi, but the American military. Or, I don't know, British intellegence. Anything along those lines. DRM's are used more often to make sure I can't copy "womanizer," than they are in aiding the governement of military. I had a lecture or terrorism where my T.A. said there was very little the government could do to stop terrorists, I suggest they look into some encription technology. Im sure Britney will share

Serendipity

I'll admit, it's not a real word. But I'm not really concerned.
I'm still going to take credit for it - credit long overdue in my mind.
You can try and use it if you want but I find its better for just looking at.
It kinda looks like an animal or monster or something -whatever it is, it's too much for Word Auto Correct - I was trying to spell suprisingly


supriseily

I dunno it just gives me the creeps
thought I would share

Your Move, Mr. Skylight

A Trial...

Don't do this now, I'm making changes.

I've made a new layout, and have been trying it out by tearing apart my old blog. Here it is.
Let me know if you guys like it, or not.

-Mer

I realized today that...

In response to the bike post a few days ago: (this would have been a comment on it, but i didn't feel like scrolling through the plethora of recent procrastination driven posts to find it. (If you have a problem with that bernice, write about it in a housekeeping post (brackets within brackets)))

I realized today that...

I enjoy being a jerk. sometimes.
with a few conditions. above all - anonymity - which is plentiful in a big old metropolis, as is Montreal.

As i biked along milton this morning toward campus, a the expense of risking my life twice, i felt immense pleasure being a dick to cars.
situation 1) cycling through the milton aylmer intersection: there's a stop sign. there's usually traffic trying to cut through the oodles of pedestrians at peak in between class times. It was pretty empty when i came to the junction. A taxi was about to continue through the intersection north on aylmer, his right of way, when i decided to trudge on through and cut him off.
I could have stopped.

but i realized, that bikers don't follow conventional rules of the road, such as stopping at a a stop sign or obeying a red light simply because: it sucks!

There was no way i was going to stop at that stop sign. Coming to a complete stop on a bike, and then having to get going again, especially on a flat plane adds about thirty seconds to a trip (i'm not in shape. it takes a long time to get going.. k?)

and with the mishmash of, frankly, quite confusing pedestrian traffic signals, and street lights at tiny intersections that could do just fine with a stop sign, that could be a total of a whole 2 minutes on my trip.

not going to fly.

anyways. im not going to describe situation two. it was too similar to situation one.
but i did enjoy advancing the efficiency of my own commute, and screwing over a taxi cab and brutish mcgill delivery guy along the way.

ha!

Spoonful of Sugar

Follow my directions:
1. Tap eighth notes with your left hand.
2. Tap trip-l-ets with your right hand.

This is one of my favorite pastimes.

Where the fuck is my party?

Gearing up to my last few classes of the semester I was really excited. The obvious reason, no more classes. I no longer have to wake up at the break of dawn (admittedly, my first class is at 10:30, but thats still difficult for me). I no longer have to worry about furiously taking notes so I don't miss anything (for the record, I hate all you science kids who don't have to worry about this) and I get a little break from the mind numbing routine. So you would think I was really happy when I walked out of my last class today. But I wasn't. I wasn't overjoyed, I didn't jump up and down. It wasn't becuase I still had to hand in a term paper, becuase I could have jumped up and down after doing that. I just felt empty. Something was defenitly missing. Then, I realised what it was. No christmas party.
I would like to state first and foremost, I hated elemntary school. I hated everything about it and not only did I not look forward to going everyday, but I woke up sick to my stomache becuase I HAD to go. Except right before christmas. The week befor was always so much fun because you did less and less work and everyone knew they would be free soon. The best part of all? The christmas party. The last day before winter break everyone brought in snacks (why do all my childhood memories revolve around snacks?) we would play christmas music (by the way, in case anyone was wondering, this little half Jew does indeed have a favourite christmas cd) and watch a christmas movie (though no one would agree with me that yes, Die Hard is a christmas movie and we should watch it over some other sugery christmas movie-becuase its just better). Sitting around a dirty classroom eating cookies watching movies knowing that for the next two weeks you had no homework, no math class, no annoying teachers and you didn't have to see those people you jus couldn't stand (so for me...all but like 4). I loved this day. So when I left my last class, I just felt empty becuase it didn't have the same feelings. Possibly becuase I am not actually done school, I have exams to study for (which I should be doing now). The end of school without the christmas party is just not the same. I wish I had a really good phrase to tie this memory up. But I don't. All I can say, no christmas party? Thats balls.

Redesign

I have a dream.
As the ultimate form of procrastination, one day I want to redesign Dessert Tickets. Make it homier. And if you bitches don't like it I can blog about it.

Dear Ms. B

I wonder.

I wonder often, but today i wonder something very specific.

Are you, from the other side of the room, looking toward my computer screen?

Are you aware that I'm blogging as we speak? In the quiet murmur of the arts computer lab? (That's in ferrier, 'snatch)

Are you blogging now too? some more procrastination perhaps?

Are you experienced?

Are you aware?

If you are, shout "Fanagle!"

EDIT: FANAGLE!



For those who are still reading: Ms. B, IS aware

Things I think about at 3 in the morning...

So, I have a 10 page Buddhism paper due at 1:30. I like religion, it's nice, and it's like mythology. But my god all Buddhisms are the same. Things that are going through my mind:

1. Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha pancake Buddha Buddha...
2. I want a greater vehicle.
3. Can you really convert to Islam by claiming that there is no god but god and that the prophet is his messenger?
4. That episode of Prison Break I watched at 2 o'clock was pretty good, but Prison Break always makes me sad.
5. There's a Virgin Mary shaped like a mountain sitting on my desk - why?
6. Buddha
7. I wish I could attain enlightenment by spilling a jug of water. And as the water mixes with the earth my conscience can gush forth and blend with all of reality.
8. That must be a shocking water spill.
9. Chapeau is a really cute name for the circumflex.
10. I want to float on a lotus.

Now it is time to stare at a piece of paper and try to read things that are written on it. Thankfully it's not in Urdu.

The Failures of Modern Cinema or Star Wars: Clone Wars...

So film has let me down again.
If there is one thing that movies have taught me its that boobs are pretty rad.
The second thing though that movies have led me to believe is that clones are super badass and that when some mad scientist starts cloning, shenanigans inevitably ensue.
Allow me then to break the shocking news:
Cloning, as taught by one Dr. roboto, is without a doubt the most mind numbing part of a not that interesting course.
I mean come on people, I'm 30 lectures deep and evil undead zombie hitler hasn't come up once.
This is bullshit.

Did I miss anything?

It appears as though I have drifted away. My apologies. It was never my intention, I promise - nor do I have any expectations of being missed - but I do feel like I should mark the event of my return in some way, if only to make it concrete in my own mind.
That having been said, I have no desire to make any noise. I wish I could just slink back into the campfire circle, slightly ashamed at having gotten so easily lost in the forest, and at not realizing it until I was nearly back.
My other reason is that I have no insights to offer. No answers. Not even any truly interesting stories. Just the same exhaustion and disenchantment, pounctuated by short flashes of clarity. Of walking down the street with a smile on your face for no reason. Of realizing that you're not the only one who likes to get around exclusively by sliding on the newly-fallen snow.
Just the usual.
So hey. What's up. Pass the marshmallows.

Professional Crastinator.

I have a paper due tomorrow at 1:30, for which I still have 6+ pages to write. I have an exam on Thursday that I'm going to struggle with, and another exam the following morning.

Instead of working on my essay tonight or studying, I went to a Neil Young concert.

Procrastination? Maybe not, maybe it was just a good time.

If not, there's always this.

Enjoy.

cheese and ham

whirlwind

i like cheese.

1:23ampaul who is a ghost

Is that so?

1:23amwhirlwind

correct

1:23ampaul who is a ghost

You learn something new every day.

1:24amwhirlwind

do you like ham?

1:24ampaul who is a ghost

only with green eggs

1:24amwhirlwind

is that so?

1:24ampaul who is a ghost

incorrect

it was a ruse

1:25amwhirlwind

you learn something new every day.

paul who is a ghost

cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, I should have said

1:26amwhirlwind

this is going on dt

1:26ampaul who is a ghost

it's only fair

-------------------------

whirlwind takes the piss

Housekeeping III

I'll Tell you what again, put your best procrastination stories in an email to me and i'll repost them, or post them yourselves. we'll start a new series, probably called "procrastination" or something like that. tag the post with something to that effect and the series will be born, A La bacontrepreneurs seems a good idea for a blog ostensibly about going to college.

especially since McGill exams begin in 54 hours.

Why Life Sucks and i have two essays due tomorrow

Bernice: Yo Dude, are you in the library?

Mr. Skylight: Nah, I'm with Hot Ice. I'll be there soon though.

B: Cool homes, i'm doing work in a room i've never been in before cause i wandered around for a while. call me when you arrive.

ONE ISAIAH THOMAS BIOGRAPHY, 50 WORDS ABOUT MILTON, AND THREE LIFE AS A LOSER COLUMNS LATER, 

Sky: Yo man, i'm in schulich. come meet me.

B: Ballin', Bro-heem. 

TWO BILL SIMMONS COLUMNS, AN ITUNES GENIUS UPDATE, LEARNING THE CHORDS TO A FLEET FOXES SONG WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING AN INSTRUMENT, MERELY IMAGINING HAVING AN INSTRUMENT, WHILE STARING AT THE UNOPENED BOOK THAT I HAVE TO START TAKING CITATIONS FROM, LATER.

B: Alright Dude i'm coming, what floor you on?

Sky: I got burnt out, i'm going home.

B: oh nice.

I'm so bad at working on task, i read the daily a few minutes ago. it seems i can only blog about procrastinating, this is my second straight real post about that.

Calling all college students who really just can't make it happen.

WHY?