Huzzah!

This Post, albeit extremely unnecessary (funneccesary!), is the 28th post of the month of february.
that's one a day, roughly what we've been averaging since november.
Let's keep it up, team!
I know midterms suck and coming back to school is never fun, but hopefully this will lift everyone's spirits.
its just someone swearing at cute animals

Toodles!

Women bet man he couldn't satisfy them; Man proves them wrong; dies afterwards

12-hour Viagra-fuelled orgy ends in death

"The mechanic died of a heart attack minutes after winning the wager"

Truly an incredible man - he satisfied two women for twelve hours. Truly a feat to be admired.

Mel Gibson auditioned for this role as a sequel to "What Women Want", but he quickly withdrew, citing stiff competition.

Oh, and for the record? An orgy is four people, not three. Do your research, writers of "weird true freaky".

In an effort to hold on to my last few months of teenagerdom, I still find this to be awesome. I'm glad the article hardly takes this seriously at all - the summary is my favourite.

In Which Bernice Attempts to Appeal to the Dentite Crowd

It must really suck being a dentist. Even though they cause pain, inconvenience, and horrible, crippling fear that something bad will happen to our teeth (Dear God!), I've started to feel bad for them. Here's why (with some Funneccessary tamil translation).

Everyone Hates Seeing Them. (எவேர்யோனே ஹட்ஸ் தேம்)
Straight up, nobody likes going to the dentist. Period. aside from the Bill Murray character in Little Shop of Horrors, I have yet to ever hear of someone who actually enjoys the leather gloves, poking, and numbness juice. But really, we don't really have that much reason to. Orthodontists aside, those with a DDS are actually really looking out for our health. Things like root canals and impacted molars are actually things that can really fuck you up and need serious surgical work. These are some talented mofos, like you know, real doctors. But we'll get to them later. Fundamentally, being someone who is essentially universally hated because of their medical career choice must be horribly depressing. But, the problem goes further. How many times do you bet dentists have to deal with patients freaking out at the sight of something sharp? Especially pediatric ones? I remember when I was young I tried to make sure that the my trip to the dentist was the closest possible incarnation of hell on earth for myself, my parents, and the guy who was being paid to look after my health. I suppose part of me thought that if I made the dentist hate me enough, then he wouldn't let me back and I would live a life of blissful dental ignorance. Also, how much would it suck if, on top of everyone dreading to see you, you were taking SOMEBODY ELSE'S patients for the day? All of the mutual trust that the patient and his regular guy would entirely vanish, and you would be left with the patient who wants to see you even less because he doesn't know you, and is therefore assuming you are a bad dentist, constantly second guessing everything you do or say, and no doubt continually comparing you to the other guy. Not fair.

They Don't Get No Respect. Let's face it, as much as anti-dentites like to say otherwise ("What do you call someone who flunks out of med school? A DENTIST!!!!!), dentists ARE doctors. they have doctorate degrees, and have passed some seriously strenuous schooling, and are liscenced to perform surgeries and generally be trusted with needles and things. Medical Doctors, however, are practically the kings of the world! They're ubiquitously loved, respected, and everybody is convinced that their guy is the best. If anybody ever said to me that his dentist was the best, I'd be shocked. Doctors command a (deserved, don't get me wrong) respect for saving lives Parents seem to dream of their child ascending the educational and social podium to that shining title: Doctor. Nobody I've heard of watches their four-year old and remarks how good little billy would be at drilling teeth. It seems to have the stigma, even for a child with all of the possibility in the world, of a second option.


Ultimately, it just seems odd that society has so much against people who have to look in mouths all day for a living. It doesn't seem a stretch to me that most people would rather their actual doctor do a bunch of mysterious tests (Cough!) and "tell it like it is" than have a similarly dressed dude rub paste on a senseless part of your body. But who knows, maybe it's just the bibs.

I, too, have not seen The Reader

Best part of the Oscars, bar none.

Fuck Heath Ledger's crying family. Hugh Jackman screaming "I'M WOLVERINE!" downstage centre at the Kodak Theatre last night proved that the best shot the Academy's got is joining the quirky, self-aware status of so many other celebrities and performances these days.

It's that sort of "Adaptation-made-this-cool" self-consciousness of a medium in its own time and place--e.g. the Academy Awards during the recession; virtually any film with George Clooney post-Ocean's 11--that makes Hollywood not only bearable, but also a bit enjoyable. If Hollywood takes itself seriously enough to regard Oscar-winners as the best films of that year on a global, universal scale, then they're not just idiots, but also have their heads up their asses, and that shit makes people angry. It's alienating. But if they take the self-referential route of self-mockery and put Hugh Jackman's face on a baby--well, fuck, I'll watch that. Hollywood knows its place, and I appreciate that.

But Mickey Rourke was still totally robbed. WTF.

Dessert Twickets

The DT twitter microblog is now operational. The password, of course, is bernice. This takes the DT-mark-I experience of anarcho-syndicalist egalitarian discussion about nothing much to a new level. Feel free to stop by and fire off a Dweet. This is the cutting edge of Web 2.0 pioneering; as always, anything goes.

Valedictum

 I wrote this in senior year for English class--we all did; I wasn't actually my school's valedictorian. But I think I would have given a damn good speech. Frankly, I think I hit the zeitgeist: all that's missing is the "yes we can". Enjoy.

The valedictory address comes, when it finally comes, as a small anachronism each year, written and approved as a rumination on the approaching end of days and delivered some weeks into the new reality. It's a last grab at ceremonial closure, an opportunity for ritualized mass reminiscence, and finally a way to try to see ourselves in some kind of context with respect to each other and our world as we launch and are launched, terrifyingly and bellyfirst, into the unknown.

The word valedictorian comes from the Latin for “to say farewell,” and that's what the valedictorian is really meant to do: to act as an official mouthpiece for the spirit of all our goodbyes. But to say goodbye to someone you have to know them, and I'm sorry to say I don't know even a third of the people in this room by name. I'm sure many of you are great people. I know you've had a wide set of experiences here at Northern, and I can't hope to recount or even imagine them all. We've been in different clubs, you and I and the person on your left, taken different classes, been concerned about different issues, and I know if you were standing up here instead of me we'd be listening to a very different speech. We're different people, all of us. The only thing we have in common is a time and a place.

But the importance of that commonality, when viewed with the correct perspective, cannot be overstated. Look around: this is our cohort, our competition, and our generation. David Foot called us the Echo; Dan Tapscott called us Generation Y and sometimes N-Gen—we have yet to decide what we'll call ourselves. Whatever you call it, our generation is the most exciting one in decades, and it's important that we know that. Coming of age in a new millenium, amidst blogging and Wikipedia, alongside the rise and fall and resurrection of Globalization, and finally tired of the pessimism, disaffectedness and cynicism that plagued the twentieth century, we stand to have the newest ideas and effect the most positive change this planet has seen since the 1700s. Leave it to our parents to gripe about how the world's going to Hell—we're about to inherit a very stuffy old world, folks, and it's up to us to blow it open. Information is freer and the world is smaller than it's ever been, and the bravest of us have already started to make waves—think about Marc and Craig Kielburger and their Free the Children efforts, or Benjamin Quinto, founder of the Global Youth Action Network. Or stay closer to home, and look at the people in this very room who bring causes into the school and get things done.

The real question, as always, is Who are we? What does it mean to be us? Where are we going? And the answer is: we're going wherever we want to go. Between us we'll write novels and laws, invent new ways to work and think, and find the cure for apathy and disillusionment. Maybe it sounds lame—but I believe we can change the world. And not only that, but we have to. It's our duty and our birthright. All we have to do is not be too jaded to imagine something better, and to have the guts to go for it.

--ICGYABL, 2007

Return to the t-town

sorry for the lack of real posts everybody.
schoolwork, lifework, yadda yadda.
I've been busy, we all have been.
Regardless, i'll be seeing Whirlwind soon, that'll be nice.
Today I'm hitting the rails with my girl, Icgyatbl, Rabbi, Weaselbag, (Astolphe? is astolphe coming?) and the ever elusive Mr. Sir. (Remember Mr. Sir?)
anyway, maybe there will be a train update when i get home, if something funny happens. I think I'll just watch UHF and take a nap.
For an update on the gang, in case anybody forgot:
Terry Collier is in Guatemala taking it Beliz-ey. A report should come, i'll force it out of him.
Thug Wrangler is in Sexico, as of this morning.
My Mom thinks i'm funny is still in Halifax, because he's lame (or planes are expensive, whatever)
Mr. Skylight is in Florida, taking in some sun. Correspondance is expected, if he can get to an internet box. good luck.
Icgyatbl is heading off to the proverbial American paradise, good ol' Santa Barbara, California. Correspondance is also expected, and i will be disappointed if it isn't there.
I think everyone other than that is either in T-Town as well, or sticking around in the Mo.
For those in the big smoke this week, there'll be an upcoming DT fest. details to follow.
Otherwise, Have a good break everyone, i hope to hear from you all soon.


yadda yadda rock DT.

because we are all bad people

continuing with our internet hits theme,

here's one more.

OH THE HUMANITY DEAR GOD MAKE IT STOP I WANT MORE

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER EXIST EVER

WWW.MANBABIES.COM

Happy Valentine's Day, Friends.

Love: an original icgyabl sketch

Like any state of the mind, love is itself an construction of the mind. It cannot be easily built from nothing; it must have food and fuel to grow and to burn brightly. But all the same, if one waits for it to come upon him in a momentary flash, I am sure he will wait forever.

Love is never fallen into: it is only climbed up to. When we can climb hand in hand with our lovers, the slope is gentle and studded with picnic lunches; when we climb alone we are quite likely to lose our footing on the crag and fall. Nearing the summit we increase our passion: love is increased not by its object but by one's own interpretation and invention of his beloved, one step at a time.

May you climb always with a soft hand in yours.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

BREAKING NEWS - MOVIES MAKE GOOD DATES, BUT ONLY SOMETIMES!

Oh journalism. Yoo so kah-rayyyyzeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It Begins Anew

I have a paper due thursday.

I have two more due next week.

Saturday is valentine's day,  a friend's birthday, and a day I'm supposed to record with my band.

I haven't seen my girl in three days (neither of us has had time)

So why am I going to primetime with terry collier right now?

Because he's going to guatemala on thursday. 

And i'm an idiot.

(actually, i've earned this. i've been working remarkably diligently for myself these past 2 days. its going to be a good paper.)

Say goodbye to your productive time.....again.

Hey pretties,
Long time no post. Here's one for ya.

http://www.foddy.net/Evacuation.html

Yes, I did it again. Sue me.

186 points, first try.

------
whirlwind has an interesting face that looks different from every angle, according to "diego morales"

Obama is my home boy

Brought to my attention by our friend over at Live-From-Montreal, I bring you the leader of the free world:

You ain't mah bitch, niggah!

Originally taken from The Pheonix.

The Most Delightful Suburb on the Island

These charming residences are built in the improved part of the town on wide, well paved streets and served by all necessary public services.


They are exceptionally well built, modern in design and style, with solid brick walls and open fireplace in living room. Close to MOUNT ROYAL station.


MOUNT ROYAL, the most delightful suburb on the island, lies directly behind the mountain--eight minutes comfortable ride per electric line through C.N.R. tunnel. A five cent fare will take you there!

1920s advertisement for new MOUNT ROYAL homes in one of many swanky suburb made possible by the automobile: Montreal Star.

Can You Handle It?

In regards to ICGYABL's, this is how I spent my summer:

http://andys.org.uk/countryquiz/

It's probably the best way I've ever found to pass time.

By the end of the summer I had memorized 159.

Guangzhou's Nigeriatown

What a world.

(Note this is a slideshow, not that interesting without audio.)

The man is the reason we eat bacon every morning

"Years ago, Americans grabbed toast and coffee for breakfast. Public-relations pioneer Edward Bernays changed that.

Bernays used his Uncle Sigmund Freud's ideas to help convince the public, among other things, that bacon and eggs was the true all-American breakfast."

We watched a documentary on the guy in a Journalism Ethics class this morning. I'm still kind of getting over it. He lived until 103 (died in '95), and is generally regarded as the father of PR.

The man hypnotized America into reinventing bacon. He is literally a bacontrepeneur.

Among his lesser feats, Bernays also made "green" fashionable in the 20s, made kids like soap in the 50s, and fueled the overthrow of the Guatemalan government in 1954 just to sell fruit.

I like the selling of the colour "green" the most. The man was hired by Lucky Strike cigarettes because they had a dilemma. Their conversation went something like this, I'm told:

Lucky Strike: Not enough women are buying our cigarettes... How do we remedy this?
Ed Bernays: Well, your packaging is green and red. No woman wears green; it's never been fashionable before. Change your cartons to another colour, and they'll have no problem carrying them around.
LS: Are you kidding? We spent hours designing this carton! It's our brand! No, no... just change the entire American fashion industry to match our cartons. It'd be easier.
EB: Oh. Okay.

AND HE FUCKING DID! Like... what the fuck?

I'm most amazed at how I've never heard of the man before. They say the best PR people are the invisible ones... obviously, otherwise you can see the puppet-master, the strings, if you will, and it ruins the show. But considering he manipulated American culture for the last 80 years, I'm surprised his name isn't more common.

And he was Freud's nephew. Which explains a bit.

This is the kind of stuff I'm glad I go to school for. I'd like to read a book of his, or his essay, "The Engineering of Consent". It seems kind of twisted--all about how the American people are vulnerable and intellectually lacking, made to buy things they don't need--but he was so damn successful it's scary.

Most importantly, I'd ask, Why haven't we learned by now? The Internet only complicates issues--for all it clarifies, it also muddles twice as much. Maybe we are really that gullible, and forever will be. Maybe that's why I'm typing on a MacBook now, and why we continue to shop in malls, smoke cigarettes and drink Coke.

"The engineering of consent is the very essence of the democratic process, the freedom to persuade and suggest."
- Edward Bernays

I guess that's why he started a war on Guatemala, and we're still in university.

PS Bernice, I lost my bacon-post-virginity. Happy now?

Andy Richter is a Murderer

Terry Collier this one's for you.

Bruce Teabags America II

DT 4 LYFE!

Mentally Stimulating Diversions

IT HAS no Wikipedia page.

Every time I find someone who has not yet heard about it, I feel a wave of revulsion and awe at the sublime innocence of the noble savage. I feel like a preacher and a pusher all at once.

I dimly recall a time, in distant prehistory, when I spent my free time on Internet TV or playing guitar or reading dumb webcomics: those days are gone. QWOP and Too Many Ninjas are facile and hollow. Even pornography has lost its allure. It has changed everything. I am, at once, both baffled and shamed by the profundity and depth of my addiction.

I started as a casual user, I guess. A social user. It was a fun thing to do with my roommates, or while having a beer with a friend. But it wasn't long before I was doing it alone, compulsively, and in more and more inventive ways. Because the vanilla stuff wasn't taking me as far, see. So I found new ways to play, skirting closer and closer to the abyss--until this morning I found myself labelling a map of Africa, hastily scrawled across a notebook, at 10 AM in the middle of a lecture. I got every single country, although I switched Benin and Togo.

It is not complicated. In fact it is dazzling in its simplicity. It has no music, no robots, and hardly any bacon. But what it offers is even more compelling: the opportunity to learn, and to prove how much you already know. It is fast-paced, which is one reason it's more fun than going to class; it is easy to learn facts through repetition in a way that understanding relationships through explanation is hard. Since it categorizes and quantifies knowledge, it makes comparison and competition--both with others and with oneself--much more convenient. You only got 175? I got 184! It systematizes trivia--and unlike Jeopardy!, it also democratizes trivia. Everyone can play, as many times as they want, without fee or penalty.

But how should we interpret this renaissance of rote learning, precisely when it seems least important? The same Internet that allows games like these to explode into popularity renders the trivia gained therefrom utterly redundant and worthless. As fast as I can hit ctrl-t-maps-africa, I can check what that blob north of Ghana is. (It's Burkina Faso.) If I ever needed to know--perhaps to make some prediction about Ghanian emigration or border policy--I could find out instantly.The Internet--really the mass availability of information, a movement which much predates even Al Gore--has changed the game of thinking from knowing things to knowing questions. It doesn't matter whether or not I know what the 25 largest standing armies are, as long as I know it's important to find out when I'm trying to form an opinion about the Koreas (#4 and 6).

The second problem with rote learning is that I don't know anything about Burkina Faso other than where it is. (True, it only takes a ctrl-t-wk-burkina faso to find out it's a semi-presidential republic with a population shy of 14 million, formerly called Upper Volta and independent from France in 1960, and that its capital is Ougadougou. But the argument is the same.) Is there a process through which this kind of trivia knowledge gives us a false sense of knowledge, or even of action? Is it a basically patronizing, even imperialist position to pat oneself on the back for a comprehensive knowledge of the Dark Continent, given the reality that a lot of people don't even know as much about Burkina Faso as I do? Is this the same as arguing about the sociology of the ghetto with only The Blueprint and Low End Theory as credentials? For that matter, is there a risk that trivial knowledge of African geography lulls us into a sense of self-satisfied complacency? Sure, I don't volunteer, but how many of those Save Darfur clowns know where Malawi is? (The only slightly more sophisticated rationale is: by learning where countries are, I can help later. Is that any less pathetic?)

What is the future of the fact in an Internet world? What is the role of geography--which can only be learned by rote; that's why it's a good example--in forming good ideas? Why do I love Sporcle so much? And what is the capital of Burkina Faso?

Studying, for a change...

I'm not a big studier. Actually, I pretty much just don't study ever and then freak out at the last minute and try to cram and fail. I am fantastic at procrastinating and not giving school any of the importance it deserves, and I generally live my life not really caring about it. I choose to do other things with my time, like play Super Mario Galaxy, or drink beer, or sit in my room listening to weird music and staring at the clouds through the skylight (when it's not covered in snow). It makes for a pretty interesting life. That being said, I've realized that when I actually do study, it excites the shit out of me.

I remember studying for a Molecular Biology exam last semester at the last minute, not having gone to any of the lectures, and trying to watch 11 of them on the day before the exam. I spent about 18 hours at the library, and the mundane processes of DNA became the most interesting thing in my life. Because really, chemical processes aside, DNA does the coolest things. And it's weird knowing how much it has evolved, and how it has developed to compensate for the malfunctions that are bound to occur (it even adds on nonsense bases before the important part so that even if it doesn't start replicating from the absolute start, nothing is missed (zOMFG!)).

Today I spent the entire day learning about the history, culture and traditions of Judaism. Reading about the different denominations of Judaism, I began to draw comparisons with the sects of Islam, or the similarities between Kabbalah and Hinduism. In the past few days I've read pieces of the Bible, the Quran, and both Martin Luther and Hitler's writings about Jews. I don't know why but it made me irrationally happy just to know the stuff.

And I've realized that it's not just studying. I'll read a random article about the GPS revolution, or the Formula 1 controversy of 2006, and every little bit of it makes me really happy. Now, the thing that I can't understand is why I don't do it more. If I like learning so much, why the hell don't I stop playing MouseHunt and actually read a little? Why do I choose to surf facebook instead of listening to my professor? Why do I lay in bed all day not doing anything when I could be learning about the marvels of simple molecule manipulation that stops a cancer medicine from destroying a patient's heart? Because I don't think any of it is boring (except for math, I fucking hate math). Everything else is ridiculously interesting. The world is incredibly interesting. So why do I still sit on the couch like a zombie watching House season 2?

Love,
Mer

Bruce teabags cameraman; world watches in enjoyment

After just getting home from a friend's Superbowl party no more than five minutes ago, the first thing I did was Google search "bruce halftime crotch".

The amount of hits was remarkable. The fact that it's on YouTube already makes me happy, because that means we can all a) unite over how hysterical it is; b) unite over how awesome Bruce is; and c) all know what I'm talking about when I mention how I particularly enjoy expressions like "someone just got a crotchful of Boss".

But that was just the reason I started to watch the 'bowl--not the reason I stayed.

I'm not a "FOOTBALL!" kinda guy, but the fact that I was legitimately engrossed and entertained by what I understand was a particularly intense Superbowl means that I can appreciate sports as an entertainment medium (if we can call it a medium) as much as I can enjoy, say, Crank.

Though on a scale from one-to-Crank, I'd say this is only about a 5.

The point is that I actually enjoyed watching beefy men tackle each other man than I expected to (to preempt the gay jokes: this includes all that GHEY PR0N I WATCH LOOOOOL), though I hesitate to accept that it was because of the sport itself. In fact, I refuse to believe that. I could never watch the Superbowl on my own. It was fun because Leigh was a Steeler's fan, an apparently hereditary trait from his grandfather before him; it was fun because Dan was explaining to Ginny all the rules of the game and we talked about how silly they all seemed.

Which made me wonder if I could ever watch Crank alone. I like to think that I could, but if given the opportunity, I might turn it off out of boredom.

It's like a party where you're not just the only one drinking, but the only one even there. I don't think mindless fun can exist on its own--that it is a fundamental part of a friendship (or relationship, for that matter).

I acknowledge that I'd offend some (read: Bernice) by calling football, or sports as such, "mindless fun". Obviously there's thought gone into it--the plays are strategic, and the Superbowl was proof of that.

I guess I want to distinguish between a critical analysis and mindless watching. I concede that you can watch anything mindlessly or critically, so I'll avoid any arguments by clarifying that I, specifically, watch sports and Crank mindlessly.

Which narrows the question down to a question of mindlessness. If it can't exist when one is alone, then is it something we engage in with others, or is it something fundamental to any sort of relationship?

Can you be mindless alone? Maybe that's just masturbation.

Kind of like this post. Apologies for the verbal masturbation. I honestly just wanted to post The Boss crotch-sliding the cameraman at first. It was a fucking killer halftime show.

Rah-rah Pittsburgh, go Steelers go, and so on, and so forth.

Everyday

I'm not sure if anyone has linked this website, but check out the health section, I personally have the bandaids.

There's also a poetry archive.

Obamarama

I was browsing the whitehouse.gov site (there's nothing to watch on tv - Sunday, February 1st, 3:00? Nothin'.) when something struck me - if Obama was a professor, then he must have a profile on ratemyprofessor.

I expected his profile to be full of Obama-Girls and boys, I expected 500 pages of comments.

Instead, I found this: Professor Obama's ratemyprof rating page.

It's an interesting angle on a fairly unexamined aspect of Obama's career. What was Obama like as a University of Chicago law professor? While it's a bit of a stretch, how he treated his students could be a good indicator of how he'll treat his constituents.

Apparently, he was "GREAT!!!!", and apparently he was "very helpful in office hours". But that's it. Two comments for Prof. Obama.

His final was a joke, but otherwise Obama seems to have done alright.

His final score:

Easiness: 3.0
Average Helpfulness: 5.0
Average Clarity: 4.0
Overall Quality: 4.5
(He lost some clarity marks because some students felt he was making up for a lack of content with an excess of rhetoric.)

Full comment reads: "he's so easy and lenient. lots of hw though but it's not that hard. the final is a joke. very helpful in office hours"