Some Tuesday Afternoon Limericks!

One week into the contest, we have several submissions, but we'd love to see some more

Here they are thus far, in case you don't want to trudge through the comments.

From "I Cant Give You Anything But Love":

Bernice, your idea is terrific
(Though your meter was unscientific)
DT has of late
Been slow out of the gate
Our posts have been dull, unprolific.

And a contest! My heartbeat, it quickens!
That'll surely cure what we've been with-stricken!
I can't wait to observe
The poetic hors-d'oeuvres
We'll produce--unless you're all chicken.

There once was a chap from Bermuda
Who delighted in Pablo Neruda
He was swimming around
When, still reading, he drowned
And was lunched on by two barracuda.

I'm writing a paper on China
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
He plays the banjo
But I'm stuck in the library
Vagina vagina vagina.

There once was a grizzled old panda
Who enjoyed a drink on the veranda
He drove a Mercedes
And cavorted with ladies
Until they sent him straight back to Uganda.

In addition to this, a young turkey
With a yen for breasts little and perky
Liked to wiggle his snood
In a manner quite rude
For a bird, 'twas surpassingly quirky.

From Bernice:

There once was a lass named Mcnerney
who rogered a fella named ernie
it would have gone fine,
but ernie was equine,
and McNerney wound up on the Gurney.

There once was a man named McGrath
whose lovers all trod the same path
they wanted a roll
but he got the wrong hole
yes, mcgrath went straight for the ath.

On how many roads walks a man?
until he develops a plan
for passing the tricky
tests to dip dicky
with another, and not just his hand

From My Mom Thinks I'm Funny:

My dear sir, I implore, just try me;
Your rhymes are just fit to wipe hineys;
I'll take up your task,
And drink from my flask--
After all, today is St. Patty's.

In Hali, the sun is a-blooming,
And you Mo-town kids should be swooning,
'Cause I'm out and about
In a t-shirt no doubt
And ignoring those tests which are looming.

(That last rhyme was rather pathetic,
I shouldn't have writ, but I meant it;
In hopes to regain
My standing, though lame,
A line about boobs: "I love tits.")

I once knew an elderly hobo
Who'd share all his wisdom pro bono,
He'd wander around
And yap on profound
Until screaming aloud, "I'M HAN SOLO!"

From Weasel J. Bag:

There once was a blog named The 'Tick
Whose members learned very quick
that if they need snogging
to yell "I love blogging!"
for young hipsters will fall for their shtick.

there was a young fellow, Bernice
who buggered a young girl, Elyse
with all said and done
he'd ravaged her bum
but at least she was still in one piece.