In running with the theme of the overarching philosophical importance of the sandwich, it has come to my attention that our dear friend "the sammy" is guilty of many of the faults attributed to morality by one Friedrich Nietzsche.
Point the First: Just as morality provides a strict guideline for living that proclaims itself superior to any other ways to live, so do does sandwich making provide a strict guideline for eating with equally superior connotations (as the good Dr. Frozenbluth once, “Man, there is nothing better than a properly made sandwich… not even boobs”).
Conclusion the First: Sandwiches=morality!
Point the Second: Just as morality implies that our existing nature/desires are flawed and unacceptable so does the sandwich imply that alone, without such processing and systematic limitation, there is something flawed with our ingredients or rather with eating them alone. There is nothing wrong with going to town on a package of smoked turkey.
Conclusion the Second: The laws of sandwich making are diametrically opposed to life!!
Point the Third: Just as morality, by definition, limits our possibilities in action so do the laws of sandwich making limit our culinary possibilities.
Conclusion the Third: Although sandwiches themselves are totally legit (not to mention delicious), the laws of sandwich making are a plague upon humanity and a symptom of a deadly societal disease!!!?!
Now, I like sandwiches as much as the next guy but this is unacceptable. The laws of sandwich making must be brought back down into the muck and the mire that the rest of us live in so that life can continue and our growth as a society and as individuals is not stunted by this constricting entity. Rise up friends, rise up and eat open face… hell, eat no face!
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10 comments:
Sandwiches are beautiful,
Sandwiches are fine.
I like sandwiches, I eat them all the time;
I eat them for my supper and I eat them for my lunch;
If I had a hundred sandwiches, I'd eat them all at once.
But, Rabbi, some rules free us as well as binding us. The sandwich was invented for Earl John Montague to give him the freedom to eat salt-beef at his desk; so, too, does a moral society constrain us all to its law in order to free us all from the whims of others. Like society as a whole, the sandwich is a contract from which free men can opt in or out. If the joy of the sandwich seems an insufficient reward for the loss of the right to throw together meat and bread all higgledy-piggledy, then you are welcome to decline it.
You may have your "existing nature" but I choose civilization!
this is one of the most ludicrous/amazing things i've ever read.
p.s. i love the fred penner reference, Ghost.
For that matter, can any free rational agent derive the form of a sandwich spontaneously from reason?
I just read this out loud to my family
As the Moderator (one of them), i can say that with its 6th comment, this became officially the most commented thread in dessert tickets history. congratulations, Rebbe.
I hate to burst y'all's bubbles but ICGYABL's post way back in the day, "Rich White Kids", got 10 comments.
I'm loathe to demean the tone of this stellar thread, but --
oh snap
OK who's going to pull through for the tie breaker, I'm putting my money on Mr. Sir
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