Grilled Portobello Mushrooms

2 Portobello Mushrooms
One medium sized Onion, coarsely chopped
Three cloves of garlic, finely chopped.
Vegetable/Olive Oil
Lemon juice.
One packet of raw sugar
Butter (Copious Amounts)
Couscous
1 Granny Smith Apple
Sea Salt. (To taste.)
Ground Peppercorns (To taste)
Wok.
Grilling pan.
Speakers blasting Pendulum to make you feel like a badass in the kitchen. (optional)

Note: all numerical measurements are subjective.

1. Warm wok with oil, pinch of salt and pepper at medium heat.
2. Sautee garlic in wok until browned
3. Add butter and onions for another 10 minutes until browned, sautee and grind more pepper.
4. Rinse mushrooms lightly and dance wildly in anticipation of finished product.
5. Warm grilling pan on high heat, and place mushrooms in wok, basting surface and sides with butter and oil mixture.
6. Spread butter lightly on underside of mushrooms, adding slightly more pepper and sea salt.
7. Place Mushrooms face first onto grilling pan, pour sauteed onions, garlic, and excess oil onto mushrooms.
8. Dance more.
9. Place couscous in heat safe container, pour boiling water into container and cover.
10. Add two teaspoons of lemon juice onto mushrooms, followed by half a teaspoon of sugar each.
11. Cover mushrooms and grill till juicy and meaty and nuty and amazing.
12. Slice apple into thin slices.
13. Serve mushrooms couscous and slices of crisp granny smith apples. The tart apples serve to counterbalance the savoury and meaty goodness of the mushrooms.
14. Dance more to pendulum.
15. Be overcome by hunger and devour the food but want more.
16. Repeat steps 1-16 (optional)
17. You are a fucking badass!

Serves 1.